My Secret Soul Garden 2

Last year I wrote a blog post called „My Secret Soul Garden“ and I am giving today’s blog post the same title because it’s kind of the back story to that original post. In this one I am going to tell you how this blog started. How I started.

I am telling you this story, because it kind of says a lot about me, but also because it shows where I came from and what my intention for writing this blog is. I am hoping it can inspire you and give you a feeling for whether you would like to read further posts, listen to future podcast episodes, follow me on Instagram, work with me, or not.

Almost three years ago now, in spring 2021, flu had knocked me over. The first two days I simply slept, but on day 3 and 4 I stayed awake a bit longer and got mentally bored, while physically still feeling extremely exhausted. I remembered an audio book I had started listening to many years prior, at a time, when we were still listening to CDs ;-) It was the kids’ book „My Secret Garden“ by Frances Hodgson Burnett. I had bought a BBC dramatised audio book for my kids many years earlier that turned out a bit too exciting for them at the time and that was now catching some dust somewhere in my house... I am a huge fan of stories and theatre and the BBC dramatisation had been done so well! I longed for something I could listen to that was simply entertaining and didn’t require my eyes to be open or my brain to work. Sadly, I couldn’t remember where the CD was. Instead I found a beautifully read version on Spotify and I really enjoyed listening to the story. When it had finished, these three sentences suddenly dropped into my head:  

 „Go into your garden.

You will heal there.

And write about it.“

 And this is where this blog post goes behind the scenes from the previous one. While the last one focused on big insights I gained while spending time in my garden, especially in 2022, this post is all about those three sentences.

We often have these kind of thoughts that just drop into our heads. Or maybe only I do :-) But there was something so strong about these three sentences, I couldn’t shake them off. I knew instantly the second sentence referred to my Ulcerative Colitis, which I have had for 15 years now. Don’t ask me how I „knew“ that. I have no idea. But what freaked me out was the third sentence: „and write about it“. So I asked: „about what?“. „You will see.“ was the next sentence that dropped into my head. I felt ridicously alarmed and excited at the same time. Yet, it felt deeply aligned too. So weird! I kind of „knew“ I had to do it, and both emotions rose with similar speed inside of me: excitement and fear!

Have you ever experienced that? I have on multiple occassions in my life and I have learned that fear shouldn’t win that battle as it always - with 100% accuracy - sent me down the wrong path. I am not suggesting you should ignore your fears. Don’t. That would be silly. But when excitement and fear are like drivers of a car race you are witnessing inside of you, ,i.e. they are both present – choose excitement! Always. At least allow it as a possibility in your mind, while calming the fear part of your mind. Don’t dismiss it. The fear is likely one of your protective mechanisms. While excitement is always an amazing guide to, at least, be considered! A possibility to evaluate. So when the two arise together, and fight for your attention, give your excitement a chance too, if you don’t tend to do that naturally.

That day I bought my first domain mysecretsoulgarden with no idea as to why or how to go about it…. Of course I re-asked the question „about what?“ countless times, but the answers were always along the lines of „you will see“ or „just get out there and write about it“. Sometimes with quite a bit of impatience and rolling eyes type of vibe. Have you ever had that?  

I didn’t start writing in 2021, nor did I go in my garden much. 2021 was a hard year for me with many life changing decisions, including leaving my job. But I will write about that in in the future. 2021 was also the year my Ulcerative Colitis went from ongoing to rageing. I tried so hard figuring out how to get myself into a better state but it simply continued to get worse. While 2020 was the year that had revealed the darkness inside me, 2021 was the year of implementing necessary steps of change, before falling flat on my face....

But you know what it’s like….. I kept repeating the patterns, different situation, same sh**. By March 2022 I was in such a bad physical state I accepted all the heavy drugs I got prescribed. I was sent an angle of a Doctor though. We only had a brief conversation but I felt deeply seen and listened to, which made it an awful lot easier for me to accept and follow his advice, despite him saying that my diet was unlikely to be the cause, nor would it help me to heal. Something I, to this day, disagree with on some level and on some I agree with him now. For myself and my own story at least.

I don’t believe in universal truth or one size fits all truth.

I do believe though, that diet and lifestyle choices matter big time in our physical health! But my body was too weak to repair itself, or maybe I hadn’t done all I needed to do yet. I was ill and weak. I had tried for 13 years to fix myself and it hadn’t worked. So I accepted medical help. which was not easy for me, but that is yet another post. This time I did it and I was/ am grateful it was available.

Btw, I don’t believe that my path as described here is THE path or anything like that. It is simply my path, one of many possibilties. As I said, I don’t believe in one size fits all solutions or universal truths.

And this is why I am writing this blog: I don't believe in one size fits all solutions, but I believe we are capable of finding our solutions. Through my story, I am hoping to inspire you, to figure out your story.

I didn’t understand that in 2022 though :-) However, when high on high doses of Cortison I had LOTS more time on hand! As I suddenly got by with 1 hour of sleep. A side effect of the medication. And you are in a weirdly alert and connected state, but not one we are supposed to be in too much I think. Anyway, I started working in my garden as I was no longer working in my job by then, and I started writing about it too. After five or six posts the direction I had been going – writing about gardening – felt wrong though and I stopped.

In the meantime I had gained more clarity on my future and decided to train as Soul Purpose Coach in autumn 2022. Which put me on MY path and 2023 practically flew by! No time for gardening or writing about it!!!

Thanks to the medication, which I am still on (not Cortison), a lot of lifestyle changes and deep inner work (because I am still planning on healing and not just surpressing), 2023 was MUCH better, and I even wrote a few blog posts that kind of just „dropped“ into my mind, as and when they dropped in.

But it was only these past few weeks, that I have finally understood the last sentence: „and write about it“. I don’t think I could have understood it from the beginning, because I had to take many more steps, before I was finally able to understand them. And I think hence the answer „you will see“. Kind of implying to just DO it, without figuring out why to do it, what to write about or where it would lead me. I was asked to trust my path ahead! And I did. I just didn’t write about it. Because, who would be interested in my story or my garden?

Something I learned throughout 2023 though is that I have an unsual way of going about things, a willingness to keep going where others give up (while failing in what’s easy for others… I guess there has to be some balance), and an unusal perspective. The latter in particular seems to be helpful for people when I share it. And this is what I am intending to do with all my work.

I will be sharing my story, but not with the purpose of sharing my story. My intention and hope is to inspire you to look at your life and find the courage to re-write what needs re-writing in your story, because I had to do a lot of re-writing in mine.

There are many like me out there and we all serve the same purpose but not necessarily the same audience: to encourage you to make decisions in your favour and create the life of your dreams. The one that is in alignment with you! To trust yourself and your path.

Because that is what I had to learn. To trust myself and the NOT straight direction of my life.

You might wonder how my garden fits into this? Because after all that was sentence number one!

It was much simpler than I had imagined it! You see, I was always ridicously busy, and then in March 2020, the pandemic ripped that away from me. Suddenly I was faced with time with myself (not ecessarily for myself with three kids, home schooling and a job….) and the picture that emerged was ugly and painful. The business had allowed me to hide from myself what I didn’t want to face. And facing it was hard. But I wasn’t given a chance to hide any longer. It was almost as if it was time to get down on my knees and accept defeat. I will write about that another time too. What happened was that I intuitively felt that I had all my answers within me and that I needed to be alone a lot, in order to find them.

With three kids you are never really alone, but the social distancing had forced me into isolation and I chose to stay in it for longer as I had started to notice benefits. You see, I have a strongly extroverted side in me, but an equally strong introverted side. Only I didn’t allow the latter to be present. But out of the pain emerged something beautiful over time: When I am alone, I can deeply connect to myself and life itself. It’s how I feel the most present in the moment. It’s when I appreciate life the most and feel alive the most. In my own space.

I absolutely love being with other people but it’s as if parts of me are less present because I am connecting to the other(s). Which I love! It more often than not gives me a massive boost of energy, it’s fun, inspiring. At least when in good company, which I usually am.

But I need to strongly balance that with time to myself and in my own energy. It is in that space alone where I gain insights, what I am good at gets fertilised and bears fruit. It’s where I create magic for myself and others. And I always access that space in my garden!!!

It’s where I am usually alone, pottering along, connecting deeply to and with nature, as well as myself. Where I work and ponder at the same time, where I process, invite and let go. It’s where I become one with myself and the Universe. It’s deeply meditative for me. So I am not supposed to write about my garden or gardening (phew! Because my gardening is soooo unconventional! I don’t really have a clue what I am doing, which I am totally fine with. Trial and error works for me).

I am supposed to connect to myself, have a good time and get my creative juices flowing in my garden! To connect the dots of what I am experiencing and learning, so I can share it.

I think there is possibly something else to it too: by now, I believe, everyone has heard of the health benefits of being in nature. There is forest bathing (or „shinrin-yoku“ as the Japanese call it and from where studies on its benefits have originated), and plenty of studies on the health benefits of gardening. There is even garden therapy that hospitals work with. In the UK, the National Health Service can even prescribe going out into nature! It’s called Green Social Prescribing. And there are plenty of charities that use nature as means to help people heal or mitigate their symptoms. Earth has a negative charge and there is some research into the potentical beneficial effects on the human body when standing barefood on soil or digging in it with our hands. So maybe the advice to go out in my garden is actually quite holistic for me! Physically and mentally.

So here is to my journey ahead! And hopefully I can take you on a ride with me and inspire you to trust your journey, which is likely totally different from mine! What helps me, might not help you. But I am going to share it anyway as means to inspire you to become curious about what could help you.

Because I don’t think there is a black or white, or only one truth, there are all the colours of the rainbow, and your colour combination is the most beautiful for you! None is prettier or less, because the colours of the rainbow always look stunning, even if the order is mixed up!

Trust yourself and your path. Feel free to follow along mine for inspiration. But always trust your path and inner guidance please. Don't compare yourself or your life to others. Or if you do so, do it from a place of self-love. x