I dropped off my daughter at school the other day and decided to take a walk in this mystical fog that prevailed that morning when I took this photo.

It reminded me of a poem we learned at school, which always stuck with me: Hermann Hesse's The Fog. It's gloomy and fitted my teenage mood back then, and yet I always felt it is more than that. It isn't just gloomy, It is wise beyond words.

To start with, we all go through stretches of our lifes that are in the fog. Some walk in it for long, long stretches of time, with the fog seemingly not lifting. It is this part of walking in the fog I identified deeply during parts of my teenage years. 

But to me, Hesse's poem isn't gloomy or about the terrible feeling of lack of hope as we can no longer see the light. It goes much deeper for me. Hesse points to the illusion of being alone and the wisdom of these periods in life. 

The illusion of being alone is created through us not seeing what's next to us. We feel alone and yet, it is not that there is nothing around us, we simply can't see it. When we transfer this concept to times when we feel alone, it is often not due to lack of people around us. Most of the time it's not even that we can't see. We can. But we feel unseen. And often we are. 

But what if we focus on the wrong people? Or the wrong aspects? Or worst, drew the wrong conclusions from the times when we seemed visible but experienced rejection? 

So often, I find, we draw the wrong conclusions. For example, let's look at somebody who doesn't like us. It hurts. It hurts terribly when we like the person, but it also hurts when don't even like the person either. Which sounds paradox at first, but I don't think it is. It is hardwired into us, to want to be liked. It's how we physically and emotionally survive as babies and children. 

But if this experience of rejection keeps happening, and it does for all of us, for some to a stronger, for some to a lesser degree, what do we do? Most of us come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with us.

And maybe there is! Maybe we could be nicer, maybe we could be faster, maybe we could be slower, maybe we could be cleverer, maybe we could be.... I think it is certainly worthwhile to look at the feedback we receive. But let's do so with compassion and love to ourself! For example, let's say we are overweight and get a lot of rejection because of our weight. Or we are poor and are left out because of that. Or because we are rich and we are seen only for that. There are many ways in how we can feel rejected. 

I personally believe we all crave connections where we are seen for who we truly are. Where we are seen on a soul level. And I also believe more often than not, we look to the wrong people to see us. Could this be true for you too?

And... we tell ourselves the wrong stories... Here is one: "when I am thin then I'll finally be popular too". How many kids have this story alone in their head?! But will you? Maybe yes. Actually let's assume yes! But will the others then truly be offering you the connection you crave? Or aren't they just with you, not because of you, but because you fit the picture? And isn't that the loneliest lonely of all of them? I think it is. And many are lonely this way despite being seemingly popular. Always, lose the weight for yourself, not for the others. And keep looking for your people!

And this the opportunity the fog can offer us. Hesse points out that the darkness can make us wise. Why is that? 

It is because you are alone. All you can see is yourself. Or maybe it's so dark you can't even see that. But you can still sense yourself. It's a scary and painful environment to be in. I have been there. I know it. But Hesse was right, there is wisdom in the darkness.

When you have nowhere to look to or at, look at yourself. And do so with curiosity, love and compassion. Give these three a chance. Ask your inner critics to give you a break on occasion. Or if they won't shut up, question them. Step outside of yourself and pretend to be a caring stranger. Look through his eyes. More often than not your inner critic, that sounds like your worst enemy on the planet, is actually trying to help you, to protect you. So, become curious about from what he is trying to protect you? What if his or her voice comes from a place of love instead of hell? What is the message behind the words? Remember that your inner critics tend to get born during your childhood. They are 4 year olds, 6 year olds, 10 year olds, and they speak with manners and knowledge of a 4 year old, 6 year old and 10 year old. They also judged the situation they were born during from a childhood perspective! And back then, we didn't have the adult mind and knowledge! We usually assumed it was our fault. What other options did we have???

We did or caused something that lead to trouble somehow. And there is no way that you can expect the five year old to think "it's not my fault I was beaten up today, my offender has a serious problem, most likely dating back to his or her own childhood and he or she should go and work on their trauma, instead of beating me up, because I spilled my tea". That will never happen! What does happen though, is that a protective inner guard is born. With a limiting belief sibling. More likely using the words "I am so stupid! And so clumsy! Why did I spill my tea! I know it triggers the offender!". And it's not a bad thing that the inner critic was born!! He tries to prevent you from experiencing that beating again. Of course it doesn't work, because sometimes clumsy moments happen, and also even if you got that one sorted and no longer spilled tea.... Turns out it wasn't about the tea because the issue did indeed lie with your offender and it wasn't about the tea at all. And because it wasn't.... regardless of how hard you tried, the beating kept happening. Adding more and more protective voices. Which to this day hold you back. And it is because of that, that I am asking you to look at yourself from a different perspective, a new lens, a new pair of eyes: look at yourself with compassion, love and curiosity. Gift this to yourself. The gift, or wisdom, of the darkness is the courage to look at what is left to look at: you.

If you struggle with the lens, borrow my view, look through the view of a loving and caring mother, through unconditional love, without expectations. Re-visit this place. Uncover your soul. It will guide you your path back to the light. Find your light within. It is in everyone. We all have a unique, yet always beautiful, light. Find it, trust it is there, let it guide you. So one day it can shine brightly.

Be the friend you dream of to yourself. Only when we can see our soul's beauty and like what we see, can we start to appreciate ourselves for who we are, and one day even love ourself. And how shall others give us love when we reject ourselves love? How?

Look inside. It's all there. Don't fear the fog. Stop when you are scared, find the courage to walk into the unknown. Start with walking inside. Uncover your beauty, find your soul. Connect. It is from there that you will find your path. Trust yourself.

Today is the darkest day of the year in the northern hemisphere. From tomorrow onwards the light will start to win over the dark periods again. Trust the never ending cycle nature shows us. Trust your cycles. 

And in the southern hemisphere is the longest daylight day of the year. All is somewhat relative and it can be so helpful to step outside ourself and look at ourselves from a different perspective. Choose a point of light that you view from. 

And then in the last verse! Bam! So much wisdom! Don't give your power away! It lies in your self love. Because yes, to a certain degree we are always alone. Look inside and grow from there! You are so much more beautiful and powerful than you can imagine right now! Trust yourself. Trust your uniquenss and your unique path. 

And if you can, take a walk in this beautiful energy today, connect to nature, yourself and the moment. 

Having read Herman Hesse's Beneath the Wheel as a teenager, I could imagine, that his poem The Fog was probably meant to express the gloominess that it expresses when you read it first. And not my interpretation of it. But for me it always went deeper, into a layer where darkness doesn't have to defeat us, into the realms of hope and change. It starts within and with us. If it's too scary, please ask someone for help. Find support on your path. 

Sending you lots of love x